However offensive the message may seem today, the Bible is clear: women are to be workers in the home.Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Certainly, there are many caveats to these verses, but I hope we can all be mature and I realize that I am not going to address that exhaustive list of exceptions. The Word of God is clear.
Many young women of my generation feel the pressure of society to ignore God's command to us. We young ladies were taught in school that we are the same as boys: we can think just like them, act just like them, and at the end of the day we are actually smarter and better than them.
Then, we come to this age where we suddenly discover the reason why we were playing with dolls and/or chasing after boys in the playground: we want to have children. Even if we hate other people's bratty children, we want our own children.
Then, we begin to realize that the educational system had duped us all along. Sure, we still deeply believe that we are smarter and more motivated than men, but we also have this annoying nag at our heart-strings as we weigh the advantages versus the disadvantages of day care, breast feeding vs. formula, stretch marks vs. getting a puppy, etc..
When we have weighed these possibilities, that is when we have the wool pulled away from our eyes and we realize we were taught falsely that we can have our cake and eat it too. We are women and not men. We are different. We think differently and we act differently. We may find a way to manipulate the system so that we can have the cake and eat the cake, but that cake will certainly be store-bought and never made from scratch.
There are reasons why women must work while their child is growing up, but there are, in my opinion, many more reasons why women choose to work unnecessarily. In my estimation, the most common reason for both types of women comes down to money. Money is needed to live. If you don't have any money, certainly you must attain some by working in order for you and your children to survive. However, many underestimate the net-worth of the stay-at-home mom. We also greatly devalue obedience to God's word and the calling of raising our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
You may be saying to yourself, "Well, I can't afford to stay at home with my children." My question to you is, are you sure you can afford not to stay at home? In a household where both spouses work, there are many costs that are not associated with a single person worker. Daycare is the most obvious financial argument for staying at home. Daycare can range anywhere from $150-$300 a week per child. Or if you have multiple children and are looking for a Nanny, you are looking at a bear minimum of $300 per week. So, if you make $7/hour at your employment, you are actually spending more than you bring in. Or if you make $14/hour (a very typical salary for an American), you are putting about half your income towards childcare.
But childcare is not the only expense to take into account. Working moms have to pay for work clothing, reliable automobile transportation, restaurant expenses (you're not going to want/have time to cook as often after working all day), professional development, and don't forget that the more money you make the more taxes you will pay (and the more you are supposed to tithe). At the end of the day, if your family is not bringing in over $100,000/year you may as well take the kids out of childcare and live off one income (as long as that one income is a living wage of course).
As important as the financial reasons for staying at home vs. working full-time can be, this is not the most crucial factor for one's determination. Obeying God, as impossible as it may seem at times, is always the most important reason for doing or not doing anything. The Bible is clear that a married woman's calling in life is to love God, love, care for, and obey her husband, and love and care for her children. Of course, depending on the situation God has placed the specific woman, this love and care will have different manifestations. However, generally speaking, this manifestation should look like the woman staying at home with her children and being a homemaker. So, what sacrifices do you have to make to obey God and make the home your priority? Do you need to sell your house and start renting again? Certainly that would be humiliating for you, but would this choice be honoring to God? Luke 9:23 Then he [Jesus] said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
What if this means walking away from a lucrative an powerful career? Whom do you serve, your God or mammon?
Do you want to raise your children and teach them the statutes and ordinances of the Lord or would you rather ship them off to a nameless worker who will teach them nothing about our God? Whom does God say is responsible for teaching your children about Him? Deuteronomy 6:7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Remember, your children have souls and one day, when their Maker has called them home, they will enter the gates of glory or be sent down to the pit. Did you do all you could to raise them to know whom will save them at the gate? Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Tell me about your story. Why do you stay at home with your kids? Do you feel pressure from the world to go back to work? What did God ask you to sacrifice for the benefit of your children?
6 comments:
I liked this post a lot (obviously). When I was pregnant, I remember using a calculator on a pregnancy website that was supposed to tell you whether you could "afford" to be a one-income household. Now, I was already aware that I made less money in a year than it would cost for quality child care (which was wonderful, because I wanted to stay home anyway), but this calculator told me that we couldn't afford for me not to work! Which was really odd, and I still don't know what was wrong with it.
Clearly we can afford for me not to work, financially, but more importantly I'm the one raising Lily. I would NEVER want someone else doing the brunt of the child care. Even though she was a "high needs" baby, and it was really hard on me, it would have been harder on anyone else. As her mom, I was more in tune with her needs by nature, and now that she's older, I'm her "security blanket." I'm the one that fixes everything, and I love that. I would never have it any other way.
Plus, I cook every single day (and love it!), so we save a ton of money on food. I do my best to keep a tidy house, and I think I provide a great service to my family.
I agree that we women have a natural drive to have children. Maybe not all women (let's face it, some just aren't nurturers) but, I know I do. Greg is always asking me why I change my mind so much about having more children, and I just tell him, "because I'm a woman. I'm designed to have children!" He doesn't have the constant push-pull that I do though, and my waffling just confuses him :-/
I truly believe that hands-down, most families could live off a one-income household- IF they were willing to get rid of a lot of their STUFF. Contrary to popular belief, you don't NEED cable, a professional manicure, T-Vo or a Wii and all the junk that comes with it, eating out all the time, going to the movies all the time, staying in posh hotels/flying instead of camping/driving or staying somewhere cheaper. Most of the people I know that protest, "What?! We could NEVER live on one income a month," are simply saying, "We're not willing to alter our lifestyle to live on one income." And again, I'm not talking about going from having a lot of nice things to living in a trailer park, either. Most of the people that I'm thinking of are the ones that have much of the aforementioned. It's just plain selfishness disguised in this "mommy martyrdom" of "HAVING to work."
Oh Lauren, I loved your post and I wish some of my brazilian friends could read it. When I go to Brazil, people just ask me all the time what do I do the whole day... yeah, they think that being a stay home mom is not a work and that I'm just lazy. I'm the only one between 20's and 30's that doesn't work and people sees me as a freak. Even my in laws think that I'm just lazy and whant to rely just on their son's income... that's so unfair!
But, I don't have any regrets. I couldn't imagine letting someone else take care of Daniel, neither puting him on a day care. That would kill me. As my husband always says, "just don't care with what other people say. I'm really glad that we took this decision".
As requested, Lauren, I am reposting comments from Facebook on here.
So I have some questions for you. I respect your opinion, but what does this mean on a larger scale? Should young women not be taught the same lessons in schools as young men?
Also, what about situations where the woman is the breadwinner? My mom brought in most of the family income, and our family certainly would have had a nearly impossible task of living off only my dad's income. In my family, my dad was at home most of the time when I was growing up, and my mom worked. What about situations such as this?
Hey Adam,
Thank you for re-posting here. Long responses on facebook are a pain in the neck as you have a limited about of characters you can type and I thought you asked good questions that need good answers.
To start, I don't know your parents. I can't speak into their lives or their personal motivations for doing something. I'm sure that they were making decisions based on what they thought was best for you and your family.
That is why I made it very clear in my post that I was speaking in general terms and not into anyone's specific situation. Of course a single mom most likely needs to work outside of a home. Or, for instance, a woman married to a man who becomes disabled may need to work full-time. Indeed, I even have a very part-time job that takes me out of the home every Wednesday evening. My husband watches Noah for a few hours while I sing professionally in a choir. The Bible doesn't say that a woman cannot work outside of the home, but it does make clear that her home should be her priority. If my choir gig ever got in the way of that priority, I would drop out in a heart beat.
Now, I would say if one is committed to Christ then you are committed to His Word. If God calls us to a life, He provides the means necessary. So, if God has clearly stated in His Word that the woman is to be the worker at home, the question shouldn't be 'should I obey?' but, 'how do I obey?'.
If that means Dad needs to work two jobs, I would say that would be best. If that means mom needs to work part-time while dad works 2 jobs, I would say that would be better than ignoring a woman's call to be a worker in the home while she brings home the money while Dad watches the kids.
Like I said, in our culture today, these ideas are bogus. I know people think that this is extreme or degrading to women. But I say, God is so much smarter and bigger and wiser than me, how can I go wrong if I obey Him?
Now, as I have mentioned before in different posts I have written, the husband is the head of the house (per the Bible). If the head (in my belief, wrongfully)desires the wife to work outside of the home, then she ought to obey her husband. That's just one of many reasons why I can't speak to your family's specific situation.
Now, to your question regarding educating women, I am actually working on a post about this (I had been before you even asked the question). So, if you can be patient with me, I'd like to answer your question through that post. But without getting into details, yes, I do believe we would be well served as a society if we educated boys and girls differently. Please wait for my post before you draw any conclusions as to what I mean by that.
I hope this answers your questions. Remember, without true faith in God we will all be led astray by our wicked hearts. God is pure and it is in our best interest to follow Him.
Fine response, Lauren. And I appreciate that you mention that you are speaking in general terms. And rhetorically, I probably shouldn't have used my own personal example. But your general terms suggest that the woman should be the home worker and the man the head of household in all situations, and only in extreme circumstances (e.g. you mention a woman whose husband is disabled as an example) should the roles be reversed. I just don't think that necessarily needs to be the standard, because there are plenty of family dynamics where roles might differ. Does your opinion suggest that those families are on a lesser path to righteousness?
You mention scriptural basis for your opinions. Fine. I believe strongly in scripture, as well, and done quite a bit of religious studying this past year. But I also understand that, at least to some extent, scripture does exist within a cultural content. For example, it's not likely that God actually created the Earth in six days. This suggests that, among many things, that God exists in some human conception of time. But when Genesis was written, the conception of evolution or millions of years was just not able to be understood by more primitive cultures. Doesn't scripture require some cultural interpretation?
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