I went for a jog yesterday. Well, to be honest, I went for a wog. All of my jogging includes walking at some point or another. So, while I was "wogging" @ North Park I gave myself a specific landmark as my goal as to when I would turn around and walk a bit. As I was jogging, Nimrod- inner dialogue #1- popped up, (it likes to chatter on during exercise) and as my legs tired, my landmarks kept changing becoming increasingly closer than originally planned. But then, surprisingly Zoe, my other inner dialogue (who never talks during exercise) showed up and yelled, "hey, if you can't even make it to the swing set, how are you ever going to be able to deliver a child naturally!"
Point taken, Zoe. I made it to my original destination after that kick in the pants. I have so much more work to do though.
Recently, Nimrod and Zoe have been going after each other a lot. I am always going back in forth on decisions that need to be made. How do I shut them off and just make the best decision for God's glory?
In the case of running, it's a no brainer. Whatever voice is telling me to be lazy is the voice to ignore. However, like many decisions in life, good and evil are not so easily distinguished. In fact, sometimes you are choosing between which good is better and then other times you are choosing between presidential candidates.
What always throws me for a tizzy, is what others will say to me or behind my back when I make those decisions. I constantly feel the weight of a non-Christian society's scorn of my decisions. I gave up my career, my freedom, my body, my voice, so that I may love and take care of my husband and son. I still have my pinkie toe holding open the door to all that I gave up. Do I move my toe and let the door shut or do I add arch support?
When I shut out all these extraneous voices, I have the courage to nudge my foot away, but oh how the voices start to flood the room immediately when I do. I am a proud woman. Lord, grant me relief from my sin-deluded mind!
1 comment:
You should at least write about it :-) (this was very enjoyable.)
I think I understand what you mean. I don't think we have to hold doors open for ourselves; I think we wind up looking back with regret at not being single minded and having the joy and the focus of that -- and realising all we might have enjoyed but for the inability to move away from that door because our pinkie toe was stuck in it. I think if God wishes to open a door He won't need us to have kept it propped for Him. This is not to say that we shouldn't seek to use and enjoy the gifts we have in the service of others as we are able (& I think your voice given up to this will be given back to you in some way); but our pursuit should be singlemindedly about serving God and others in our calling, not as society teaches us, about serving ourselves?
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