Leaving important people in my life behind has recently become a challenge for me. When I was younger, I was not this way. My mother distinctly remembers my first day of school: She walked me to the bus stop (which I was embarrased about), I got on the bus, my mother waved, I did not. I didn't even look out the window. I was a big girl now. I did not need Mommy to hold my hand any more; I was an independent-thinking, once-peed-my-pants-in-class, kindergarten woman. Watch out world, here I come!
Going off to college created very much the same feeling within my psyche. "Thanks for all your help along the way, but I'm moving on to be my own person now." However, as the years went on in college, I realized that I was looking out of the campus bus window but my Mommy was not there to wave good-bye. During my freshman year I was calling home about once a week. By my senior year, my Mom would wonder if everything was ok if I went two days without calling.
Last week, Brandon and I were asked to consider moving into another small group because our group was getting to be known as the ginormous, egantic group (aka Baker's "small" group). When I thought about the possibility of leaving this group of people who have become my family away from home, I cried...a lot. Brandon didn't know what to do with me. What was wrong with me? Four years ago, I didn't even feel a tinge of homesickness. Now, I cry for two hours when I will be seeing certain people at my church for 3 hours less once a week. What is wrong with me? Had my small group become an idol of my heart? There probably is some truth to that and I repent of this over-reliance on people for my happiness.
However, the encouraging lesson I learned from this experience is that God has taught me to love people. Four years ago, I wasn't homesick because I only cared about myself and making myself happy. I did not do anything to make others happy. I was the most important person in my life. Now, I know that I am to put all others in front of me. I know that to serve others is to honor the Lord and to love others is to love God. I am homesick and I am small-groupsick because God loves me and has used the Holy Spirit to break me down and make me new.
Brandon and I are still praying about where the Lord wants us to go, but I do think I am done crying. My suffering over this decision has made me joyful in that God is working in me for His glorious purpose. Whichever group we end up in, I hope the Lord will continue to teach me how to love others and grow with them in the sweetness of Christian fellowship. And as always, I am gratefully your
Mrs. Pickett
4 comments:
My wife is awesome!
Hey Lauren. Nice post. I've joined the blogspot world. http://www.dailylearnings.blogspot.com/
Lauren,
That was beautiful.
Do you remember how it is when you go swimming and it is so hard to get wet? You can either walk in slowing, letting the water inch up your body until you are all in and used to the cold of the water; or you can jump in head first getting everything wet all at once, shocking yourself out of your mind but getting used to it quickly.
This kind of reminds me of that. It also reminds me of the time at the women's retreat (last year, I think was the year you came up with this gem; the year before it was a different golden nugget) when you said that the older women need to come over to the other side of the church and approach the college women. (shiver)
Glad your coming out of your little wading pool. Enjoy.
(Psalm 37:4)
In Love,
Rachel
PS: Yes, Brandon's wife is awesome.
Lauren, you are indeed awesome.
Interestingly enough I have much the same reaction when I am left alone for five hours.
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