How the Lord is refining me

Since the inception of my working career, I have often wondered why God put me in a job where the majority of time I must stay silent about my faith. I, of course, am not prohibited to talk to my co-workers about such things, but due to HIPPA (the bane of my existence) I, in almost every situation, am forced to do the very last thing I want to do- not speak the truth in love.
From my understanding, HIPPA was put into place to protect confidentiality rights in the state of Indiana. So, if Mr. Boss Man for XYZ publishing wanted to know if his employee, Joanna No-Good (hyphenated for the working woman) was a drunk, he couldn't just call up the Center and ask whether or not she was in treatment. Thus, he cannot fire his employee or any such type of action.

Not a bad idea, really. But, that isn't the end of HIPPA. HIPPA prevents me from being human. I cannot create relationships with the clients that work at CBH other than on a professional level. I cannot invite them to my house; I cannot invite them to my church. If there is a client at CBH that goes to my church, I can still speak to them but I may not warn the elders of my church that there my fellow brother or sister is in spiritual warfare that needs to be reached out to. In these ways, among many others, HIPPA restricts ears to hear the truth of the gospel.

Working at the front desk often pains my heart because no matter how strong HIPPA is emphasized here at the center, HIPPA cannot stop human hearts from creating bonds. There are several clients here, that I know very little about, but love them dearly as my own children. There is particularly one that I am most fond of, perhaps because she is so child-like. She, we will call her Mrs. Sweet Heart, asked me to hang out with her sometime, and, oh, my heart just broke into a thousand pieces because I could not agree or else I knew I would be fired. I had to tell her no and I explained why, but I could tell that she did not understand. Mrs. Sweet Heart thought I was making an excuse. I am not worried that I had to say no because I am not concerned for the state of her soul, Mrs. Sweet Heart is a Christian.

There are many others though, that I am convinced that either need to accept Christ or need to repent and rededicate their lives to Him. Certainly this isn't any different than the world around, but to me it seems like the clients at CBH are an exact replica of the people Jesus chose to dine with. They are dirty, drug addicted, homeless, hopeless people whose situation is tangibly desperate. Moreover, there are so many of them. They are everywhere in Bloomington. I am ashamed to say that I didn't see them before I started working here. I saw them with my eyes, yes, I glanced right past them. Now I actually see them and my heart is filled with compassion. So, why is it that the moment I actually can see these people with my heart is the exact moment I cannot run to action? I struggled with this question for a long time. God revealed to me, through a very sad example of a family that came in for services the other day, what my action is to be- prayer.

Now, I know you all are thinking, well, yeah, no kidding. But, really, this is a huge lesson I have to learn. I am the type of person who thinks praying is a waste of time if I can get up and do it myself. But no, I am not get up, I am not to do as I would normally. I must pray. It is my only defense against Satan for these people. Now, I will pray that God will put people in their lives that can show them what Christian love is, but God desires that I pray for this to happen and trust that He will take care of them through His mercy and lovingkindness. I knew this before, but I am just starting to really understand that people are not saved through my mercy to them. My mercy is really only His and that is what saves them.

Perhaps some may believe that if HIPPA so utterly binds my prayer into action, that I must quit this job. I may be convinced of that someday. But right now, I believe that God has called me to this abomidable abode to teach me to be silent and be a light in a very dark place.

Thank you, O my God, for opening my eyes and teaching me to rely upon you for the salvation of others.